The Dissatisfaction of Today.

I am trying to capture how I feel today.

And words are failing me.

The more words I throw at this disconnected feeling of abiding anxiety that I feel, the less I am able to actually describe it.

Nothing in my life is "off" enough to warrant this feeling of dread that I'm carrying around.

I think I am hungry for true, deep companionship. Intimacy. Sex. And Love. I find myself calling people with nothing to talk about. And hanging around a co-workers cubicle chatting about nothing. Because I seem to need Human Companionship right now. And nothing I am getting back is filling my need.

Ah well.
I'll go for a walk on my lunch break and watch the pretty ladies, out on display in their most comfortable summer lingerie.

And buy a few books that I'm excited to pick up today.

And read while I enjoy a light lunch. (Because anything too heavy will make me feel weighed down, that much more.)

And throw myself into my workload without looking back.

The day will pass, 5pm will come and I'll be free to leave here for brighter shores. Tonight, I'm watching a good friends show and giving him some feedback afterwards.

(REM's "Strange Currencies" just came on my work radio. That song PERFECTLY encapsulates how I feel today. That restrained sense of need for something that isn't there and isn't coming. I don't know if the words matter, the sense of it, is what appeals to me.)

After the show, I'm going to run Open Court at the PG. And maybe a night of random, improvised silliness will help wash away the dissatisfaction of today.

Placing one foot in front of the other,
Mr. B